Invisible No More

please don’t

by pattikeno

don’t

please don’t

I need this to

go my way

don’t ruin it

not now

I will not cry

stop

please stop

this isn’t how

this is supposed

to go

can’t you see

it’s killing me

I will not cry

wait

please wait

I didn’t mean

to make you

sometimes I’m

so me

I scare people

I WILL NOT CRY

but I

can’t

help

myself

and

cry

and

cry

10/25/15

©Patti Keno

2015 New Patti Keno Poetry

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Success is not an option

by pattikeno

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

watch me pound my

head against this

wall

the wall that

separates me

the wall that

shelters me

from the

real

from the

world

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

this fuse is

too wet to burn

properly

this heart is too

broken

this mind

too shattered

I can’t do this

I sabotage

myself every time

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

watch me

bleed

watch me break

and fall apart

I can’t do this

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

10/25/15

©Patti Keno

2015 New Patti Keno Poetry

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baby steps

by pattikeno

take it slow

one small triumph

at a time

baby steps

so no one will

see you fall

as you famously do

every time

you walk

close your eyes

just try to breathe

take it one step

at a time

baby steps

so no one will

see you trip

over your own

damn feet

like you

always do

like you

always do

baby steps

it will take

forever

but you’ll get

there

you’ll find

yourself at

the ledge

baby steps

to the edge

baby steps

you look down

baby steps

close your eyes

just try to breathe

as you jump

as you leap

a leap

of faith

why walk

when you were

meant to soar

11/14/15

©Patti Keno

2015 New Patti Keno Poetry

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changed

by pattikeno

I changed

myself to fit

you

and now I

cannot change

back

I shaped my

hips the

way you liked

them

and hid my

fangs so

I would

not bite

you

when we

kissed

I hid the

longing

deep, deep inside

afraid

that you

would

see my

heart and

run away

from

I changed

my tastes

so I wouldn’t

disgust

you

I changed

my name

so I wouldn’t

offend you

I changed

my face

and hair

to look

more like

her

in hopes

that

you could

love me

I changed

my clothes

so that

they would

reflect your

image

from every

angle

every side

every view

I hid my

likes so

you

wouldn’t

hate me

for my

opinion

I hid my

soul

so you

couldn’t

hurt me

for who I

was

I tried

to say

I loved

you

When I

hated all

you

made

me do

I changed

myself

to fit you

how can

I fit

anyone

else

I changed

the way

I looked

at you

so you

wouldn’t

see me

crying

I changed

the way

I touched

you so

I wouldn’t

hurt you

I changed

myself to

fit you

in everyway

I changed

my skin

so it would

accept your

touch

I changed

my knees

so they would

buckle

when you

pressed

against

my shoulder

I changed

the way

I looked

at life

so I could

live my

life for

you

I changed

my soul

to let you

I changed

my heart

to love you

I changed

myself

to fit

you

and you

left because

I wasn’t

I was

you

I changed

myself to

fit you

and now

I’m a

perfect

match

1/22/99

©Patti Keno

1999 Patti Keno Poetry the silent boy

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i dreamt; i saw
i came; i went
i bled; i cried
i jumped; i screamed
i lived; i died
i loved; i cared
i ran; i played
i gave; i shared
i left; i went
i ripped; i tore
i killed; i mended
.
still it wasn’t enough
still i want more
.
i ran; i skipped
i drove; i rode
i flew; i walked
i ate; i drank
i tasted; i felt
i saw; i heard
I FELT
i sang; i ached
I laughed; i cried
.
but it wasn’t enough
I STILL WANT MORE
one more day and it’s over
I used to tell myself that
one more day and I’ll be gone
but i never could do it
I thought I could
.
i thought; i analyzed
i mixed; i mingled
i flirted; i teased
i floated; i breezed
i tantalized; i broke
i cut; i cried
I cried
I cried
I cried
I cried
I cried
icried
icry
icry
icry
cry cry
cry
.
but it’s never enough
i can’t do enough
i can’t see enough
i can’t feel enough
i can’t want enough
i can’t hear enough
i can’t taste enough
i can’t smell enough
i can’t go now
I can’t
I’m not finished yet
.
I’ve lived and loved
for a quarter of a century
and still it isn’t enough
I WANT MORE
I can’t go now
I can’t
.
.
11/26/01

©Patti Keno

2001 Patti Keno Poetry

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pencils and pens

by pattikeno

pencils these words written

with pencils and

pens

and

keystrokes

are who I am

they are my life

these words written

with pencils

and

pens

and

keystrokes

no one will ever

read

no one will ever

see

the true me

the one that lives

within

the one who hides

within

these words

written with

pencils and

pens

and

keystrokes

no one will

ever see

10/10/15

©Patti Keno

2015 New Patti Keno Poetry

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empty hollow ache

by pattikeno

empty hollow ache

washes over me again

empty hollow ache

fills me with dread again

I know where this leads

I know where this will take me

empty hollow ache

How much more of this can i take

empty hollow ache

how much more before i break

I try to push this away

I try to forget it all

empty hollow ache

mocking me

hounding me

taunting me

empty hollow ache

I know where this will lead me

I know which road to take

and so i go

for one more

sugar heartache

empty hollow ache

finally disappears

as i close my eyes

empty hollow ache

no more

until the morning

when i wake

I know where this leads me

I know where this takes me

empty hollow ache

5/9/01

©Patti Keno

2001 Patti Keno Poetry the nocturnal boy

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waiting

by pattikeno

it’s me again

I’m here waiting

once again

for all the things

that I lack

and all the things

that I can never

get back

waiting

like I always do

waiting

for you

or him or her

or she or he

or it or this or that

how can I stand

to wait this long

and what made me think

that every thing

will eventually fall in my lap

does the world revolve around me

and me alone?

then why and I still here

waiting

like I always do

what made me think

that everything I desire

will fall into my lap

what made me think

that anything and everything

would come here to me as I wait

oh yeah:

“Good things come to those who wait.”

and so I wait

waiting still

like I always do

and I watch my dreams

sail further away

while I wait

for those good things

to come to me

4/24/01

©Patti Keno

2001 Patti Keno Poetry

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kick out the gloom

by pattikeno

lost in the crowd

she moves on in silence

wondering who will see her

wondering who has the ability

to see the girl invisible to all

longing to be there

longing to be loved

she knows that she was never meant to be

maybe she was supposed to die

maybe no one will ever see her

maybe no one even cares

she opens her mouth and screams

and screams and screams

screaming she stands alone

she chased them all away

except for one boy

who is disappearing

a disappearing boy

he smiles at her as she stops her screaming

she smiles back her crooked smile

and finally realizes

she was never alone

she was

NEVER

ALONE

and there they still stand

hand in hand

the disappearing boy and the invisible girl

10/18/00

©Patti Keno

to ‘the disappearing boy’ who i met in the ‘Kick Out the Gloom’ chat room and had the most wonderful and poetic email friendship with. Sadly, we lost contact a few years back, but i miss him horribly. I miss his words.

2000 Patti Keno Poetry the disappearing boy

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