Invisible No More

my love affair with words

kick out the gloom

lost in the crowd

she moves on in silence

wondering who will see her

wondering who has the ability

to see the girl invisible to all

longing to be there

longing to be loved

she knows that she was never meant to be

maybe she was supposed to die

maybe no one will ever see her

maybe no one even cares

she opens her mouth and screams

and screams and screams

screaming she stands alone

she chased them all away

except for one boy

who is disappearing

a disappearing boy

he smiles at her as she stops her screaming

she smiles back her crooked smile

and finally realizes

she was never alone

she was

NEVER

ALONE

and there they still stand

hand in hand

the disappearing boy and the invisible girl

.

.

10/18/00

©Patti Keno

 to ‘the disappearing boy’ who i met in the ‘Kick Out the Gloom’ chat room and had the most wonderful and poetic email friendship with. Sadly, we lost contact a few years back, but i miss him horribly. I miss his words.

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I lost another one today

my heart broke again today
wanting and waiting and wasting away
Another moment lost
another tear to fall
he could have changed my life
he could have rocked my world
waiting and wanting and wasting away
lost once more on the sea
of yesterdays past
of people lost
moments gone
disappeared
they glare in front of me
making me ache
making my heart break
over and over again
i just want to hide
i just want to hide away
and lose myself
i just want to be lost
lost again
i don’t want to see
i don’t want to see
what i know I can NEVER have
what i know i can NEVER be
i don’t want to see
waiting and wanting and wasting away
i lost another one today
i lost another one today
whimper want or whisper stay
i lost another one today

.

 .

03/29/04
.

©Patti Keno

.

“whimper want or whisper stay” is a line by Shane Murphy

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Fin

i miss you

my disappearing

boy

my mysterious

stranger

the other

half

to my

whole

i miss your

words

their shimmering

silence

leaves a gaping

wound

i ache for you

even though

we never

met

my disappearing

boy

why did you

disappear?

.

1/3/15

©Patti Keno

To:SMM

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would that i could

would that I could
erase you
would that I could
wipe you way
If I could
I would

but you creep back
into my life

you find a crack
in my armor

you find a hole
in my wall

you whisper into
my silence

you plaster yourself
upon my wall
so all I can see
is
you

would that I could
forget you
would that I could
let you
go
if I could
I would
I would
I would

Pik
7/13/09

©Patti Keno

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untitled 080511

 

swallowing back my tears
I search for you
I reach for you
I ache for you
search – reach – ache
I scream for you
whimper want or whisper stay
you are gone
and I miss you
I miss your words
your beauty
your love
one song is all I have
one song
to hear your voice
one photo
to see your face
every night I am the detective
trying to put together
the puzzle
of you

8/5/11

1 Comment »

snow

snow falling

flakes fill the air

I watch from my window

and think of you

I am frozen with

remorse

I am frozen with

regret

how is it

that something

as innocent as snow

can fill me with

such pain

I laugh at your

past suggestion

from a warm weather mind

To hose the snow

from off

my car

how long now?

10 years

15?

I miss you

Imissyou

I

Miss

You

                                                                                                  1/4/15

                                                                                                     pik

                                                                                                   ©Patti Keno

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My peacock colors

all green and red

and black and gray

how do you do this

how can you make me

feel this way

all gold and orange

and sunset strewn

with stars upon your eyes

you move me with

your denial

you move me with

your disease

I ache into you

all blue and yellow

black and green

I ache into you

your seeping pores

like a drug I burn

inside of you

but you never see me

down, you never

see me shine

you never see my

Peacock tail

my confident walk

you never even try

all blue and green 

and gold and brown

I will find my way to you

I will break your

shell

all green and red

and black and gray

how do you do this?

how can you make me

feel this way

                                                                  5/9/01

to: the disappearing boy

 ©Patti Keno

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echo

it seems like

everything that hides

inside of me

hides inside of you

it seems like I know

and I feel what you do

it’s like every word

I whisper

is every word you’re

screaming

and every dying breath

you take

quickens me the same

it’s like this emptiness inside

has an echo

an echo of my soul

dying; dead

dead soul

living a half life

in misery

it seems like every piece of me

that is missing

is the same piece that’s

missing inside of you

it seems like every hollow ache

echoes back to me

and washes over me

with your words

it seems like

everything that hides

inside of me

hides inside of you

it seems like I know

and I feel what you do

and every word You’re

screaming

is every word

I have ever

tried to form

                                                                                                            05/01/01

                                                                                                            pik

To: the disappearing boy

 ©Patti Keno

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