Invisible No More

my love affair with words

into the arms of madness

this

this grinning madness

sits before me

and eggs me into complacency

this grinning madness

waits

patient and impatient

all at once

It angers me

with it’s laughter

with it’s sullen glares

and sudden movements

this grinning madness

waits to take me in it’s arms

into the arms of madness

all around me i hear noises

people pushing me closer

forcing me towards that goal

that grinning golem

forgotten idol, left for dead

this grinning madness

laughs

and

laughs

and

laughs

as i stumble

and fall into it’s

open arms

forever lost

in this grinning madness

.

9/18/01

©Patti Keno

.

If you’re looking for a book to read check out my novels….

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_10?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=patti+keno&sprefix=Patti+Keno%2Caps%2C163

 

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ghost

I’m screaming

as loud as my

aching throat

will allow

please see me

why can’t anyone

see me

maybe I’m not

invisible

maybe I’m a

ghost

maybe I don’t

exist

maybe I’m real

maybe I am

and nobody

cares

NOBODY

CARES!

No one wants to touch me

who would dare

to try and touch

the girl who is not there

I don’t exist

I am not real

I am not here

If I was

you’d see me

If I was

I wouldn’t

be

so alone

I wouldn’t

be so

utterly

alone

and

lost

left behind

lost

and

left

behind

I am

a

 ghost

how else

would

you

explain

my words

that fall

constantly

on

deaf

ears

I don’t

exist

I don’t

.

.

8/21/15

                          ©Patti Keno

 

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My self-made prison cell

this ache inside

for something new

it never fades

it never ebbs

it always stays

deep inside of my

heart

.

love

such a useless emotion

it only leads to pain

I’ve been burnt before

and nothing will

ever burn me again

 .

I push them away

SCARE them away

before they get too close

I can’t let them in

I can’t let them near

I don’t want them

hurting like I did

 .

I feign the search for

the ebon eyes that haunt

me in my dreams

but the loss of

self keeps me from reaching out

I’m too afraid of losing

the self I worked so hard to build

the self I worked so hard to reclaim

I can’t let them in

I can’t let them in

Even if it means that I can never get out

I never want to lose myself in someone else again

.

so I go

forever feigning interest

pain and jealousy

filling my very being

maybe it’s envy

not jealousy that I feel

a secret wish to be normal

to be more like them

in their perfect bliss

.

a hand and a sigh

lips meeting

touching

kissing

a hand and a sigh

they continue

and never notice my tears

too lost in their own desires

to ever notice me fading

slipping away

into another world

my imaginary world

where all my dreams come true

and there is always someone there

to hold me

always someone there

to love me

in a love beyond love

in a love beyond sex

in a love beyond this world

a love that only I can give myself

.

once again his ebon eyes

behold me and I cringe

in their wake

he knows that I am a coward

he knows that I’ve been weak

he smiles

and once again whispers out

his catch phrase:

“It’s not your time”

and he takes me in his arms once more

if I can’t be with him now

then I can at least enjoy him in my dreams

 .

because the loss of

self keeps me from reaching out

I’m too afraid of losing

the self I worked so hard to build

the self I worked so hard to reclaim

I can’t let them in

I can’t let them in

even if it means That I can never get out

 .

I can never get out

I will always be

on the inside looking

out

 .

.

                                                          4/24/01

©Patti Keno

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Sideshow

I belong in a circus, in the sideshow

“Step right up! See the blue haired girl! Silent Patti from Detroit!

She never speaks! The only one in existence!”

I belong in there, not out here with you

The shiest girl with the hottest man

It doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t seem fair.

I belong in the freak show, standing next

to the two-headed goat

“Step right up! See the purple haired girl! Silent Patti from Detroit!

She never speaks! The only one in existence!”

That’s how I feel

I shouldn’t be here with you

I shouldn’t be anywhere, but locked away

in a cage at the sideshow

at the freak show

Where only the creeps want to hit on me

I belong in there

because that’s where I belong

“Step right up! See the green haired girl! Silent Patti from Detroit!

She never speaks! The only one in existence!”

 .

 .

 .

                             8/17/00

                                ©Patti Keno

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Geppeddo

Swirling around me
they giggle and point
and laugh at my hair
as i am trapped
in my cage
behind all the faces
all the porcelain eyes
that seem to protect me
but expose me at the same
time
.
they move around my cage
threatening me
with their questions
their longing stares
no no
not me
I’m not the puppet master
no no
not me
I don’t control the strings
I’m just Pinnochio
a wooden boy
waiting to be real
hoping to be real
one day
.
I sit in my cage
and hope you don’t see
me
hidden behind my fears
hidden behind
these eyes
that protect me
but scare me all at once
.

.

11/9/01
©Patti Keno

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