Invisible No More

my love affair with words

folding inside of myself

i just want to be alone today

i just want to take it slow today

i want to fold in upon myself

i want to disappear

i don’t want this anymore

i don’t want this anymore

can’t you make it go away

i just want to cry today

i just want to scream today

all this aching is breaking me apart

inside

and i don’t want this anymore

can’t you see

i don’t want to be

the one who is left behind

the one who is all alone

I don’t want this anymore

can’t you take it away from me

but this is how it always is

and this is how it always will be

me waiting

waiting

waiting

waiting

waiting

waiting

waiting

waiting

for somebody to love me

for

somebody

to love

me

and

leave me

not

alone

.

 .

                                                                      8/12/02

                                                                         ©Patti Keno

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only

leave me bleed

and send me quake

only how I ache

only how

I

ache

.

tear me asunder

and bring on the rain

only how I ache

only how

I

ache

.

twitch me sorrow

and ignite my flame

only how I ache

only how

I

ache

.

only

how

i

ache

ache

i

how

only

only

only

.

.

                                                            01/23/15

                                                              ©Patti Keno

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starving

“I know what you’re

hungry for”

he says

with blood-shot eyes

and yellowed teeth

he stands before me

waiting

holding out a pen

“I know what you’re

hungry for”

he says

he wants me to begin

but he pulls the pen away

and I am left

to ache once

again

for the words

that never come

for the silence

that never goes

“Insomniac!”

he accuses and

laughs in my face

but still I cannot get close

I cannot begin

he waits for me

to stop him

he waits for

me to yell

but I am

alone and

voiceless

here in my

self-appointed hell

“heretic!”

he calls me

he knows that

I’m insane

he knows that

writing is

all I have

to ease this

precious

pain

still he does not

give up

still he does not

give in

when will he

ever let me

begin

                                                                        01/24/00

                                                                                 ©Patti Keno

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swallow me

breaking into my silence

you steal away my soul

leaving me lonely and afraid

and out of control

aching I break

and fold in on myself

all alone I sink to

the floor

and still I ache

for more

kill me with your

words

swallow me with

your soul

swallow me whole

swallow

me

whole

.

.

.

                                                03/28/03

                                                  ©Patti Keno

                                                                                                               to: the caterpillar boy

 

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my words

my words

 

I am the angry

PoEt

with fire in

her eyes

I am the silent

girl

blue hair

blowing madly

in the wind

I stand before

you ready to

attack

I am the angry

pOeT

and I am never

coming back

I am the silent girl

who claims

she’s from Detroit

and worked here

for four years

I am the angry

 PoeT

who lies and lies

and lies

I am the angry

pOEt

and MY WORDS

WILL NEVER
DIE

                                                01/12/01

                                                      ©Patti Keno

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please don’t

 

don’t

please don’t

I need this to

go my way

don’t ruin it

not now

I will not cry

I will not cry

I will not cry

.

stop

please stop

this isn’t how

this is supposed

to go

can’t you see

it’s killing me

I will not cry

I will not cry

I will not cry

.

wait

please wait

I didn’t mean

to make you

go

sometimes I’m

so me

I scare people

I WILL NOT CRY

I WILL NOT CRY

I WILL NOT CRY

but I

can’t

help

myself

.

and

I

cry

.

and

I

cry

.

.

                                                                        10/25/15

©Patti Keno

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Success is not an option

 

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

watch me pound my

head against this

wall

the wall that

separates me

the wall that

shelters me

from the

real

from the

world

.

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

this fuse is

too wet to burn

properly

this heart is too

broken

this mind

too shattered

I can’t do this

I sabotage

myself every time

.

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

watch me

bleed

watch me break

and fall apart

I can’t do this

.

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

.

.

10/25/15

©Patti Keno

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I’m not finished yet

i dreamt; i saw
i came; i went
i bled; i cried
i jumped; i screamed
i lived; i died
i loved; i cared
i ran; i played
i gave; i shared
i left; i went
i ripped; i tore
i killed; i mended
.
still it wasn’t enough
still i want more
.
i ran; i skipped
i drove; i rode
i flew; i walked
i ate; i drank
i tasted; i felt
i saw; i heard
I FELT
i sang; i ached
I laughed; i cried
.
but it wasn’t enough
I STILL WANT MORE
one more day and it’s over
I used to tell myself that
one more day and I’ll be gone
but i never could do it
I thought I could
.
i thought; i analyzed
i mixed; i mingled
i flirted; i teased
i floated; i breezed
i tantalized; i broke
i cut; i cried
I cried
I cried
I cried
I cried
I cried
icried
icry
icry
icry
cry cry
cry
.
but it’s never enough
i can’t do enough
i can’t see enough
i can’t feel enough
i can’t want enough
i can’t hear enough
i can’t taste enough
i can’t smell enough
i can’t go now
I can’t
I’m not finished yet
.
I’ve lived and loved
for a quarter of a century
and still it isn’t enough
I WANT MORE
I can’t go now
I can’t
.
.
11/26/01

©Patti Keno

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empty hollow ache

empty hollow ache

washes over me again

empty hollow ache

fills me with dread again

.

I know where this leads

I know where this will take me

.

empty hollow ache

How much more of this can i take

empty hollow ache

how much more before i break

.

I try to push this away

I try to forget it all

.

empty hollow ache

mocking me

hounding me

taunting me

empty hollow ache

.

I know where this will lead me

I know which road to take

.

and so i go

for one more

sugar heartache

empty hollow ache

.

finally disappears

as i close my eyes

empty hollow ache

no more

until the morning

when i wake

.

I know where this leads me

I know where this takes me

.

empty hollow ache

.

5/9/01

©Patti Keno

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waiting

hi

it’s me again

I’m here waiting

once again

for all the things

that I lack

and all the things

that I can never

get back

waiting

like I always do

waiting

for you

or him or her

or she or he

or it or this or that

how can I stand

to wait this long

and what made me think

that every thing

will eventually fall in my lap

does the world revolve around me

and me alone?

NO

then why and I still here

waiting

like I always do

what made me think

that everything I desire

will fall into my lap

what made me think

that anything and everything

would come here to me as I wait

.

oh yeah:

“Good things come to those who wait.”

.

and so I wait

waiting still

like I always do

and I watch my dreams

sail further away

while I wait

for those good things

to come to me

.

.

                                                                    4/24/01

                                                                      ©Patti Keno

 

 

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