by pattikeno
today i can feel you
i can smell you
your sweet cinnamon scent
i can taste you
taste the essence of you
with every bite
the smell of you
the taste of you
the touch of you
breaking through
the wall i built
around my broken
wounded heart
i see your
favorite book
i hear your favorite
band
i see visions of you
every where i look
and he reminds me of you
the things he does
the way he talks
and i hate him
i hate him
and i think
i might
hate
you
too
for leaving me
with your touch
leaving the taste of you
on my tongue
your hot kisses
burned into my lips
and i hate you
for leaving me
with the smell of you
cinnamon and icebergs
everywhere i go
everywhere i go
and i hate walking in there
the place you used to work
the people that you knew
staring at me
knowing what you did
how you left me
with only your touch
your smell
your taste
your hair
and all
ALL
of your
worldly possessions
now mine
i hate the smell
of cinnamon & ice bergs
i hate the smell
of you.
.
11/14/02
©Patti Keno
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2002 Patti Keno Poetry the cinnamon boy writing
by pattikeno
my love
how can you destroy
me so?
how can you let me
go?
and leave me here
in silence
how can you decide
to never speak
again
not a whim
not a whisper
of the way your
heart had turned
and I am left
here in silence
lying to myself
forcing myself to
believe that
it doesn’t hurt me
that it doesn’t make
me cry
you were my everything
and you never said goodbye
how could you destroy
me so?
.
.
09/25/02
©Patti Keno
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2002 Patti Keno Poetry the cinnamon boy
by pattikeno
there was nothing left here
the well had long since dried
the words were all scattered
like feathers in the wind
scattered only to be collected again
there was nothing left inside of me
until you entered in
i had given up on everything
and i sat, just waiting to die
but now here i am outside
in the thick of it again
laughing, as i slip into
yet another new skin
moving into the distance
as the shell begins to harden
the outer layer crusting over
like a scab just beginning to heal
you gave me new life
a reason to begin
you helped me pick up the pieces
and lay them down again
with your magnetic presence
your omnipotent lust
you leapt ahead of me
leaving me behind in a trail of dust
surprisingly i followed you
and leapt off into the unknown
there is no future
there is no past
only Right here
Right now
everything else
means nothing
it’s only the here
and
its only the now
that matter anyway
.
5/02/02
©Patti Keno
for: the cinnamon boy
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2002 Poetry the cinnamon boy
by pattikeno
if I lay down my head
and close my eyes
maybe I won’t have to do this
maybe I won’t have to go through with it
it’s so funny
so ridiculously funny
that I cry and cry because I don’t have love
but then when the opportunity presents itself
I want to run away from it
and all I want to do right now
is cry
and cry
I’m so nervous
I’m so scared
I’m so giddy
what’s gonna happen?
who knows?
what if he never shows?
what if I don’t?
I can’t breathe anymore
my throat is closing up
it’s ok
relax
you’ve made it this far
don’t turn back
this may be it
you’ll never know until you try
.
.
02/14/02
©Patti Keno
.
To: the cinnamon boy
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2002 Poetry the cinnamon boy
by pattikeno
with hand to chest
and lips to finger pressed
I cannot move I cannot rest
.
this is how I ache
this is how I break
.
with hand to hips
and tongue to swollen lips
I explore you with my fingertips
.
this is how I ache
this is how I break
.
with heart to darkness
and lips to one last kiss
I cannot stop I cannot resist
.
this is how I ache
this is how I break
.
with hand to knee
and mouth to desperate plea
I beg you not to abandon me
.
this is how I ache
this is how I break
.
with tears to eyes
and lungs to broken sighs
I am left alone without goodbyes
.
this is how I ache
this is how I break
.
.
1/22/15
pik
©Patti Keno
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New Poetry the cinnamon boy the silent boy
by pattikeno
and you are moving too fast
you silence my heart
from crying out
and you are moving too hard
I can’t feel my feet
the night is so cold
and you are breaking me down
bending me in two
swallowing my heart
and you are taking it all away
leaving me with nothing
I’m not ready to be alone
and you are leaving me again
the same as before
just like everyone
just like
everyone
and you are leaving without
a single word
you are gone
and you are gone
and you are gone
and you are gone
and you are gone
and you are gone
and you are gone
and you are gone
and
you
are
gone
pik
2/13/03
©Patti Keno
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2003 Poetry the cinnamon boy the silent boy
by pattikeno
you take me and reduce me with your eyes
you diminish my soul with one single look
one glance from you and my life is over
my life is meaningless
you make me feel that i am drowning
in the looks that you give to me
and i am reduced to nothing
and life is meaningless
and now you’re gone and i am alone
and there’s nothing left to live for
and without you i am nothing
i am reduced to nothing
and life is meaningless
with you i am reduced
without you i am reduced
you reduce me
and my life is meaningless
with you
and my life is meaningless
without you
you reduce me
10/10/02
©Patti Keno
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2002 Poetry the cinnamon boy
by pattikeno
That’s how it started
slow and grainy
fuzzy to the touch
indifferent
lacking the solid lines
that passion and rapture
leave behind as they furrow
their way across
the skin
of a woman
in her twenties
this is how i began
small and meek
afraid of all
but i’m slowly learning
i’m taking it all in
and processing
every last bit
burning holes
into the fabric
of my memory
and tracing the
words out
across the page
this is how i will
remember
it all
this is how i am
burnt offerings
left at the alter
a sign of peace
a hope for a future
a wish for a better day
a wish
for a better
day
a better year
a better ending
this is how I end
this is how I end
pik
3/14/02
©Patti Keno
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Poetry the cinnamon boy
by pattikeno
taking breaths to stop the way you hurt me
to stop the way you make me cry
I dive in with reckless abandon
this isn’t right…this isn’t right
leave me floating in this sea
wasting away, just wasting away
and everything is beautiful
everything is new
but nothing penetrates me
as i stare zombie-like
into the horizon
longing for something new
something other than this
other than this fake life
it’s not real
none of this is real
broken lips
and burning eyes
and this pain that is gutting me
rending me in two
nothing is beautiful
and nothing is new
should i force your hand
and make you stay
or watch in silence
as you walk away
watch in silence
broken and strewn
tossed apart from me
28 years and you’re gone
28 years and look at me
still the same
still that little girl
led forth by crows
striving to stay alive
when I’m cast upon these coals
weathered and broken
but somehow still the same
looking backwards always
longing for something from then
anything that stayed the same
but nothing ever stays the same
everything changes
nothing ever stays
break my heart
this girl inside a woman
there’s nothing left in me that’s pure
nothing left in me but pain
and silence and longing again.
how did i last this long
how can i last any longer
how can i stay
when nothing EVER changes
and nothing EVER stays the same
3/8/04
©Patti Keno
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Poetry the cinnamon boy the silent boy
Invisible No More 