Invisible No More

my love affair with words

cinnamon and icebergs

today i can feel you
i can smell you
your sweet cinnamon scent
i can taste you
taste the essence of you
with every bite
the smell of you
the taste of you
the touch of you
breaking through
the wall i built
around my broken
wounded heart
i see your
favorite book
i hear your favorite
band
i see visions of you
every where i look
and he reminds me of you
the things he does
the way he talks
and i hate him
i hate him
and i think
i might
hate
you
too
for leaving me
with your touch
leaving the taste of you
on my tongue
your hot kisses
burned into my lips
and i hate you
for leaving me
with the smell of you
cinnamon and icebergs
everywhere i go
everywhere i go
and i hate walking in there
the place you used to work
the people that you knew
staring at me
knowing what you did
how you left me
with only your touch
your smell
your taste
your hair
and all
ALL
of your
worldly possessions
now mine
i hate the smell
of cinnamon & ice bergs
i hate the smell
of you.

.

11/14/02
©Patti Keno

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silently disappear

my love

how can you destroy

me so?

how can you let me

go?

and leave me here

in silence

how can you decide

to never speak

again

not a whim

not a whisper

of the way your

heart had turned

and I am left

here in silence

lying to myself

forcing myself to

believe that

it doesn’t hurt me

that it doesn’t make

me cry

you were my everything

and you never said goodbye

how could you destroy

me so?

.

.

                                    09/25/02

                      ©Patti Keno

 

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here and now

there was nothing left here
the well had long since dried
the words were all scattered
like feathers in the wind
scattered only to be collected again
there was nothing left inside of me
until you entered in
i had given up on everything
and i sat, just waiting to die
but now here i am outside
in the thick of it again
laughing, as i slip into
yet another new skin
moving into the distance
as the shell begins to harden
the outer layer crusting over
like a scab just beginning to heal
you gave me new life
a reason to begin
you helped me pick up the pieces
and lay them down again
with your magnetic presence
your omnipotent lust
you leapt ahead of me
leaving me behind in a trail of dust
surprisingly i followed you
and leapt off into the unknown
there is no future
there is no past
only Right here
Right now
everything else
means nothing
it’s only the here
and
its only the now

that matter anyway

 .

5/02/02
©Patti Keno

for: the cinnamon boy

 

1 Comment »

Will you be my valentine?

if I lay down my head

and close my eyes

maybe I won’t have to do this

maybe I won’t have to go through with it

it’s so funny

so ridiculously funny

that I cry and cry because I don’t have love

but then when the opportunity presents itself

I want to run away from it

and all I want to do right now

is cry

and cry

I’m so nervous

I’m so scared

I’m so giddy

what’s gonna happen?

who knows?

what if he never shows?

what if I don’t?

I can’t breathe anymore

my throat is closing up

it’s ok

relax

you’ve made it this far

don’t turn back

this may be it

you’ll never know until you try

 .

 .

                                                02/14/02

                                                    ©Patti Keno

.

To: the cinnamon boy

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this is how

with hand to chest

and lips to finger pressed

I cannot move I cannot rest

.

this is how I ache

this is how I break

.

with hand to hips

and tongue to swollen lips

I explore you with my fingertips

.

this is how I ache

this is how I break

.

with heart to darkness

and lips to one last kiss

I cannot stop I cannot resist

.

this is how I ache

this is how I break

.

with hand to knee

and mouth to desperate plea

I beg you not to abandon me

.

this is how I ache

this is how I break

.

with tears to eyes

and lungs to broken sighs

I am left alone without goodbyes

.

this is how I ache

this is how I break

.

.

1/22/15

pik

©Patti Keno

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and you are…

and you are moving too fast
you silence my heart
from crying out
and you are moving too hard
I can’t feel my feet
the night is so cold
and you are breaking me down
bending me in two
swallowing my heart
and you are taking it all away
leaving me with nothing
I’m not ready to be alone
and you are leaving me again
the same as before
just like everyone
just like
everyone
and you are leaving without
a single word
you are gone
and you are gone
and you are gone
and you are gone
and you are gone
and you are gone
and you are gone
and you are gone

and
you
are
gone

pik
2/13/03

©Patti Keno

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reduce me

you take me and reduce me with your eyes
you diminish my soul with one single look
one glance from you and my life is over
my life is meaningless

you make me feel that i am drowning
in the looks that you give to me
and i am reduced to nothing
and life is meaningless

and now you’re gone and i am alone
and there’s nothing left to live for
and without you i am nothing
i am reduced to nothing
and life is meaningless

with you i am reduced
without you i am reduced
you reduce me
and my life is meaningless
with you
and my life is meaningless
without you

you reduce me

10/10/02

©Patti Keno

2 Comments »

rapture

That’s how it started
slow and grainy
fuzzy to the touch
indifferent
lacking the solid lines
that passion and rapture
leave behind as they furrow
their way across
the skin
of a woman
in her twenties

this is how i began
small and meek
afraid of all
but i’m slowly learning
i’m taking it all in
and processing
every last bit
burning holes
into the fabric
of my memory
and tracing the
words out
across the page
this is how i will
remember
it all

this is how i am
burnt offerings
left at the alter
a sign of peace
a hope for a future
a wish for a better day
a wish
for a better
day
a better year
a better ending

this is how I end
this is how I end

pik
3/14/02

©Patti Keno

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On turning 28

taking breaths to stop the way you hurt me
to stop the way you make me cry
I dive in with reckless abandon
this isn’t right…this isn’t right
leave me floating in this sea
wasting away, just wasting away
and everything is beautiful
everything is new
but nothing penetrates me
as i stare zombie-like
into the horizon
longing for something new
something other than this
other than this fake life
it’s not real
none of this is real
broken lips
and burning eyes
and this pain that is gutting me
rending me in two
nothing is beautiful
and nothing is new
should i force your hand
and make you stay
or watch in silence
as you walk away
watch in silence
broken and strewn
tossed apart from me
28 years and you’re gone
28 years and look at me
still the same
still that little girl
led forth by crows
striving to stay alive
when I’m cast upon these coals
weathered and broken
but somehow still the same
looking backwards always
longing for something from then
anything that stayed the same
but nothing ever stays the same
everything changes
nothing ever stays
break my heart
this girl inside a woman
there’s nothing left in me that’s pure
nothing left in me but pain
and silence and longing again.
how did i last this long
how can i last any longer
how can i stay
when nothing EVER changes
and nothing EVER stays the same

 

3/8/04

 ©Patti Keno

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