by pattikeno
who is this
that I am
it is not me
speaking this way
walking this walk
living this life
loving this man
I’m not who you
think I am
I’m me
not this person
that you see
who is that
it isn’t me
brushing my hair
dressing my body
I am not there
you are not talking
to me
who is it?
oh my God…
.
it’s me
.
.
10/5/95
©Patti Keno
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1995 Patti Keno Poetry the silent boy
by pattikeno
i dreamt; i saw
i came; i went
i bled; i cried
i jumped; i screamed
i lived; i died
i loved; i cared
i ran; i played
i gave; i shared
i left; i went
i ripped; i tore
i killed; i mended
.
still it wasn’t enough
still i want more
.
i ran; i skipped
i drove; i rode
i flew; i walked
i ate; i drank
i tasted; i felt
i saw; i heard
I FELT
i sang; i ached
I laughed; i cried
.
but it wasn’t enough
I STILL WANT MORE
one more day and it’s over
I used to tell myself that
one more day and I’ll be gone
but i never could do it
I thought I could
.
i thought; i analyzed
i mixed; i mingled
i flirted; i teased
i floated; i breezed
i tantalized; i broke
i cut; i cried
I cried
I cried
I cried
I cried
I cried
icried
icry
icry
icry
cry cry
cry
.
but it’s never enough
i can’t do enough
i can’t see enough
i can’t feel enough
i can’t want enough
i can’t hear enough
i can’t taste enough
i can’t smell enough
i can’t go now
I can’t
I’m not finished yet
.
I’ve lived and loved
for a quarter of a century
and still it isn’t enough
I WANT MORE
I can’t go now
I can’t
.
.
11/26/01
©Patti Keno
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2001 Patti Keno Poetry
by pattikeno
empty hollow ache
washes over me again
empty hollow ache
fills me with dread again
.
I know where this leads
I know where this will take me
.
empty hollow ache
How much more of this can i take
empty hollow ache
how much more before i break
.
I try to push this away
I try to forget it all
.
empty hollow ache
mocking me
hounding me
taunting me
empty hollow ache
.
I know where this will lead me
I know which road to take
.
and so i go
for one more
sugar heartache
empty hollow ache
.
finally disappears
as i close my eyes
empty hollow ache
no more
until the morning
when i wake
.
I know where this leads me
I know where this takes me
.
empty hollow ache
.
5/9/01
©Patti Keno
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2001 Patti Keno Poetry the nocturnal boy
by pattikeno
hi
it’s me again
I’m here waiting
once again
for all the things
that I lack
and all the things
that I can never
get back
waiting
like I always do
waiting
for you
or him or her
or she or he
or it or this or that
how can I stand
to wait this long
and what made me think
that every thing
will eventually fall in my lap
does the world revolve around me
and me alone?
NO
then why and I still here
waiting
like I always do
what made me think
that everything I desire
will fall into my lap
what made me think
that anything and everything
would come here to me as I wait
.
oh yeah:
“Good things come to those who wait.”
.
and so I wait
waiting still
like I always do
and I watch my dreams
sail further away
while I wait
for those good things
to come to me
.
.
4/24/01
©Patti Keno
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2001 Patti Keno Poetry
by pattikeno
When morning came
without you
once again
I did not cry
I did not scream
or beg
I accepted it
I know
I will never
meet you
and try as
I might
I know
I can never
hold you in
my arms
and wake
with you
still beside me
try as I might
I cannot
pull you
through
the velvet curtain
of the dreaming
and I know
I should be
contented
just to see
you in
my dreams
9/8/00
©Patti Keno
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2000 the nocturnal boy
by pattikeno
this
this grinning madness
sits before me
and eggs me into complacency
this grinning madness
waits
patient and impatient
all at once
It angers me
with it’s laughter
with it’s sullen glares
and sudden movements
this grinning madness
waits to take me in it’s arms
into the arms of madness
all around me i hear noises
people pushing me closer
forcing me towards that goal
that grinning golem
forgotten idol, left for dead
this grinning madness
laughs
and
laughs
and
laughs
as i stumble
and fall into it’s
open arms
forever lost
in this grinning madness
.
9/18/01
©Patti Keno
.
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2001 Poetry writing
by pattikeno
the longing hand
reaches out
and closes around
my heart
the longing hand
searches me out
as I hide within
the crowd
pretending to be
normal
pretending to be
me
I can never
out run it
I can never
hide from it
the longing hand
will always
find me
the longing hand
will always be
closing around
my desperate
heart
I have resigned
myself to
accept my
fate
I’ve begun
to crave
it’s touch
the longing hand
so painful
the longing had
so harsh
so cruel
I crave the
restlessness
I crave the
sleepless nights
I long for the
longing hand
as it longs for
me
I long for
the longing hand
closing around
my heart
for it is only
in that moment
in that familiar
grasp
that I truly
feel alive
.
.
8/30/00
©Patti Keno
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2000 Poetry the longing hand
by pattikeno
eyes are burning
from the endless
nights
laying awake
–
and waiting
–
I am filled
with desire
for something
unknown
–
and unwanted
–
I ache
alone
filled with
remorse
–
and regret
–
I long and
I long
with this
intense desire
–
and wanton lust
–
I long for
something
anything
that can put out
–
this
fire
–
but I never
know what
it is I ache
for
–
–
3/6/00
pik
©Patti Keno
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2000 Poetry the longing hand
Invisible No More 