heartache | Invisible No More

folding inside of myself

by pattikeno

i just want to be alone today

i just want to take it slow today

i want to fold in upon myself

i want to disappear

i don’t want this anymore

can’t you make it go away

i just want to cry today

i just want to scream today

all this aching is breaking me apart

inside

and i don’t want this anymore

can’t you see

i don’t want to be

the one who is left behind

the one who is all alone

I don’t want this anymore

can’t you take it away from me

but this is how it always is

and this is how it always will be

me waiting

waiting

for somebody to love me

for

somebody

to love

and

leave me

not

alone

8/12/02

©Patti Keno

2002 Patti Keno Poetry

1 Comment »

only

by pattikeno

leave me bleed

and send me quake

only how I ache

only how

ache

tear me asunder

and bring on the rain

only how I ache

only how

ache

twitch me sorrow

and ignite my flame

only how I ache

only how

ache

only

how

ache

how

only

01/23/15

©Patti Keno

2015 Patti Keno Poetry

Leave a comment »

Success is not an option

by pattikeno

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

watch me pound my

head against this

wall

the wall that

separates me

the wall that

shelters me

from the

real

from the

world

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

this fuse is

too wet to burn

properly

this heart is too

broken

this mind

too shattered

I can’t do this

I sabotage

myself every time

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

watch me

bleed

watch me break

and fall apart

I can’t do this

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

10/25/15

©Patti Keno

2015 New Patti Keno Poetry

Leave a comment »

empty hollow ache

by pattikeno

empty hollow ache

washes over me again

empty hollow ache

fills me with dread again

I know where this leads

I know where this will take me

empty hollow ache

How much more of this can i take

empty hollow ache

how much more before i break

I try to push this away

I try to forget it all

empty hollow ache

mocking me

hounding me

taunting me

empty hollow ache

I know where this will lead me

I know which road to take

and so i go

for one more

sugar heartache

empty hollow ache

finally disappears

as i close my eyes

empty hollow ache

no more

until the morning

when i wake

I know where this leads me

I know where this takes me

empty hollow ache

5/9/01

©Patti Keno

2001 Patti Keno Poetry the nocturnal boy

Leave a comment »

waiting

by pattikeno

it’s me again

I’m here waiting

once again

for all the things

that I lack

and all the things

that I can never

get back

waiting

like I always do

waiting

for you

or him or her

or she or he

or it or this or that

how can I stand

to wait this long

and what made me think

that every thing

will eventually fall in my lap

does the world revolve around me

and me alone?

then why and I still here

waiting

like I always do

what made me think

that everything I desire

will fall into my lap

what made me think

that anything and everything

would come here to me as I wait

oh yeah:

“Good things come to those who wait.”

and so I wait

waiting still

like I always do

and I watch my dreams

sail further away

while I wait

for those good things

to come to me

4/24/01

©Patti Keno

2001 Patti Keno Poetry

Leave a comment »

kick out the gloom

by pattikeno

lost in the crowd

she moves on in silence

wondering who will see her

wondering who has the ability

to see the girl invisible to all

longing to be there

longing to be loved

she knows that she was never meant to be

maybe she was supposed to die

maybe no one will ever see her

maybe no one even cares

she opens her mouth and screams

and screams and screams

screaming she stands alone

she chased them all away

except for one boy

who is disappearing

a disappearing boy

he smiles at her as she stops her screaming

she smiles back her crooked smile

and finally realizes

she was never alone

she was

NEVER

ALONE

and there they still stand

hand in hand

the disappearing boy and the invisible girl

10/18/00

©Patti Keno

to ‘the disappearing boy’ who i met in the ‘Kick Out the Gloom’ chat room and had the most wonderful and poetic email friendship with. Sadly, we lost contact a few years back, but i miss him horribly. I miss his words.

2000 Patti Keno Poetry the disappearing boy

Leave a comment »

cinnamon and icebergs

by pattikeno

today i can feel you
i can smell you
your sweet cinnamon scent
i can taste you
taste the essence of you
with every bite
the smell of you
the taste of you
the touch of you
breaking through
the wall i built
around my broken
wounded heart
i see your
favorite book
i hear your favorite
band
i see visions of you
every where i look
and he reminds me of you
the things he does
the way he talks
and i hate him
i hate him
and i think
i might
hate
you
too
for leaving me
with your touch
leaving the taste of you
on my tongue
your hot kisses
burned into my lips
and i hate you
for leaving me
with the smell of you
cinnamon and icebergs
everywhere i go
everywhere i go
and i hate walking in there
the place you used to work
the people that you knew
staring at me
knowing what you did
how you left me
with only your touch
your smell
your taste
your hair
and all
ALL
of your
worldly possessions
now mine
i hate the smell
of cinnamon & ice bergs
i hate the smell
of you.