Invisible No More

my love affair with words

here and now

there was nothing left here
the well had long since dried
the words were all scattered
like feathers in the wind
scattered only to be collected again
there was nothing left inside of me
until you entered in
i had given up on everything
and i sat, just waiting to die
but now here i am outside
in the thick of it again
laughing, as i slip into
yet another new skin
moving into the distance
as the shell begins to harden
the outer layer crusting over
like a scab just beginning to heal
you gave me new life
a reason to begin
you helped me pick up the pieces
and lay them down again
with your magnetic presence
your omnipotent lust
you leapt ahead of me
leaving me behind in a trail of dust
surprisingly i followed you
and leapt off into the unknown
there is no future
there is no past
only Right here
Right now
everything else
means nothing
it’s only the here
and
its only the now

that matter anyway

 .

5/02/02
©Patti Keno

for: the cinnamon boy

 

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walk away

Leave me alone
let me be
let me shift back into
invisibility
don’t eyeball me
with your closed eyes
and your stained heart
leave me be
I’m not here to please you
if you don’t like me then walk away
i never asked for your friendship
and I don’t want it anyway
not if you constantly
look at me
and roll your eyes
and tsk your tongue
you’re not any better than me
you never were
and you never will be
just leave me alone
don’t come round here no more
just let me be
I’d rather be alone
then looked at as if i am crazy
i’m not
i’m just me
and if you don’t like that
then just turn around
and walk away
you’re not welcome here
anyway
.

.
9/24/01

©Patti Keno

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happy

What would I be

with out this pen in

my hand

this notebook resting

on my knee

the words scratching

their way to the

surface

longing to be heard

where would I be

some other place

I wouldn’t be here now

I wouldn’t be me

not without my pen

and paper

not without my words

I wouldn’t be me

I wouldn’t be this…

happy

 .

 .

                                02/18/01

                                      ©Patti Keno

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Will you be my valentine?

if I lay down my head

and close my eyes

maybe I won’t have to do this

maybe I won’t have to go through with it

it’s so funny

so ridiculously funny

that I cry and cry because I don’t have love

but then when the opportunity presents itself

I want to run away from it

and all I want to do right now

is cry

and cry

I’m so nervous

I’m so scared

I’m so giddy

what’s gonna happen?

who knows?

what if he never shows?

what if I don’t?

I can’t breathe anymore

my throat is closing up

it’s ok

relax

you’ve made it this far

don’t turn back

this may be it

you’ll never know until you try

 .

 .

                                                02/14/02

                                                    ©Patti Keno

.

To: the cinnamon boy

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Stay Tuned…..

So for the past couple months i have been working on getting my novel ready to self-publish. I’m excited to tell you that though not quite ready yet, it will be sometime soon.  Hopefully before the end of February. YAY!!!!  It’s called  A Murder of One.  I wrote it 20 years ago and have been perfecting it ***cough***procrastinating***cough*** ever since. SO yeah.  I’ll keep you updated. I’m so excited!!! 🙂

 

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Flowers

Flowers on the floor

Flowers on the wall

Flowers fill my life

But I love them all

 

Flowers up and flowers down

Flowers all around

They’re all so pretty and never dull

Because they’re all beautiful

 

Tulips, daffodils and tiger lilies

I know it sounds silly

But they are all so pretty!

 

Carnations, Roses and Mums

I know it sounds dumb

But flowers are so beautiful

In all their ways

.

.

.

1986

©Patti Keno

 

I wrote this poem when i was 10 years old, back when i thought all poems had to rhyme. It’s not my first poem, but it’s one of my firsts.  I remember when i wrote it I was inspired by my wall paper. check out the picture it was very 70s.  The picture was taken before i started writing poetry though.  ( i think that is when i was writing plays for my stuffed animals to perform. I wish i had some of those, but i think they are all lost.)

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Clown Shoes

These clown shoes

 keep tripping me

Can I take them off now?

I can’t stand to be

 so clumsy

These clown shoes

keep tripping

me

Let me take them

off

I’m sick of

being your

stooge

I’m sick of

these shoes

too big for me to

ever fill

Let me take them

off

I can’t

 stand

tripping like

 this

 .

.

                                      10-26-95

                                          ©Patti Keno

 

 

 

 

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Sideshow

I belong in a circus, in the sideshow

“Step right up! See the blue haired girl! Silent Patti from Detroit!

She never speaks! The only one in existence!”

I belong in there, not out here with you

The shiest girl with the hottest man

It doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t seem fair.

I belong in the freak show, standing next

to the two-headed goat

“Step right up! See the purple haired girl! Silent Patti from Detroit!

She never speaks! The only one in existence!”

That’s how I feel

I shouldn’t be here with you

I shouldn’t be anywhere, but locked away

in a cage at the sideshow

at the freak show

Where only the creeps want to hit on me

I belong in there

because that’s where I belong

“Step right up! See the green haired girl! Silent Patti from Detroit!

She never speaks! The only one in existence!”

 .

 .

 .

                             8/17/00

                                ©Patti Keno

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the longing hand

the longing hand

reaches out

and closes around

my heart

the longing hand

searches me out

as I hide within

the crowd

pretending to be

normal

pretending to be

me

I can never

out run it

I can never

hide from it

the longing hand

will always

find me

the longing hand

will always be

closing around

my desperate

heart

I have resigned

myself to

accept my

fate

I’ve begun

to crave

it’s touch

the longing hand

so painful

the longing had

so harsh

so cruel

I crave the

restlessness

I crave the

sleepless nights

I long for the

longing hand

as it longs for

me

I long for

the longing hand

closing around

my heart

for it is only

in that moment

in that familiar

grasp

that I truly

feel alive

.

.

8/30/00

©Patti Keno

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that which…

that which…

that which is empty and

clean and dry

.

that which…

that which is aching

inside of me

that which

 .

I tried to see that which

lies within

but it’s too expensive to

see

 .

that which…

that which is hidden

inside of me

remains hidden

forever

 .

that which…

that which I hold so

dear is lost

.

that which…

that which forever

tears me apart inside

remains hidden

that which

 .

.

                                                           10-25-95

                                                                    ©Patti Keno

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