Invisible No More

my love affair with words

my tower

these words

my words

I say that I scream

them out

I say that I yell

them from the

mountain tops

but I don’t

I lied

what I really do

is hide

I hide away

in my tower

and write these

words

my words

on tiny pieces of

paper

tiny letters, tiny words

and then I fold

them

ever so gently

into cranes

tiny little origami

cranes

and I throw

them from my tower

in hopes that

they will fly

they are but paper

teeny tiny paper cranes

that pile around

the base of my tower

the base of my home

I have to find

a way

to make them

fly

I have to

stop

hiding in

this tower

and I have

to fly

.

I

have to

fly

.

.

                                    05/28/16

                                            ©Patti Keno

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insignificant me

I feel so small

so insignificant

a speck

that you will

never see

nor will you

ever hear

the heart that

beats within

me

i try to speak

but my words

get lost

in this crowd

the crowd that

surrounds me

and shrinks

me

to nothing

makes me

feel small

and insignificant

shrinks me

to

nothing

insignificant

subatomic

me

lost in this

crowd

forever

lost

.

.

10/12/15

©Patti Keno

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gender

I am woman

my feminine display

is carefully hidden

it’s tucked away

fearing innocence lost

hidden forever

what is the cost?

losing myself?

I’m already lost

moving onward

so afraid

never knowing exactly

where my innocence

is laid

moving onward

moving fast

knowing my innocence

my false masculinity

will

never

last

.

.

.

                                                            6/6/96

                                                                ©Patti Keno

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folding inside of myself

i just want to be alone today

i just want to take it slow today

i want to fold in upon myself

i want to disappear

i don’t want this anymore

i don’t want this anymore

can’t you make it go away

i just want to cry today

i just want to scream today

all this aching is breaking me apart

inside

and i don’t want this anymore

can’t you see

i don’t want to be

the one who is left behind

the one who is all alone

I don’t want this anymore

can’t you take it away from me

but this is how it always is

and this is how it always will be

me waiting

waiting

waiting

waiting

waiting

waiting

waiting

waiting

for somebody to love me

for

somebody

to love

me

and

leave me

not

alone

.

 .

                                                                      8/12/02

                                                                         ©Patti Keno

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about

It’s tooth and bone

and grinding nails

and lollipops

and puppy dog tails

It’s blood and blades

and scratches and

cuts

It’s tooth and nail

and tearing flesh;

rending flesh

it’s all about the past

the present

and the

future

that was never

 meant

to be

It’s all about tooth and bone

and grinding nails

It’s all about

ME!

.

.

                                                5/21/01

                                                       ©Patti Keno

 

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starving

“I know what you’re

hungry for”

he says

with blood-shot eyes

and yellowed teeth

he stands before me

waiting

holding out a pen

“I know what you’re

hungry for”

he says

he wants me to begin

but he pulls the pen away

and I am left

to ache once

again

for the words

that never come

for the silence

that never goes

“Insomniac!”

he accuses and

laughs in my face

but still I cannot get close

I cannot begin

he waits for me

to stop him

he waits for

me to yell

but I am

alone and

voiceless

here in my

self-appointed hell

“heretic!”

he calls me

he knows that

I’m insane

he knows that

writing is

all I have

to ease this

precious

pain

still he does not

give up

still he does not

give in

when will he

ever let me

begin

                                                                        01/24/00

                                                                                 ©Patti Keno

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my words

my words

 

I am the angry

PoEt

with fire in

her eyes

I am the silent

girl

blue hair

blowing madly

in the wind

I stand before

you ready to

attack

I am the angry

pOeT

and I am never

coming back

I am the silent girl

who claims

she’s from Detroit

and worked here

for four years

I am the angry

 PoeT

who lies and lies

and lies

I am the angry

pOEt

and MY WORDS

WILL NEVER
DIE

                                                01/12/01

                                                      ©Patti Keno

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please don’t

 

don’t

please don’t

I need this to

go my way

don’t ruin it

not now

I will not cry

I will not cry

I will not cry

.

stop

please stop

this isn’t how

this is supposed

to go

can’t you see

it’s killing me

I will not cry

I will not cry

I will not cry

.

wait

please wait

I didn’t mean

to make you

go

sometimes I’m

so me

I scare people

I WILL NOT CRY

I WILL NOT CRY

I WILL NOT CRY

but I

can’t

help

myself

.

and

I

cry

.

and

I

cry

.

.

                                                                        10/25/15

©Patti Keno

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Success is not an option

 

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

watch me pound my

head against this

wall

the wall that

separates me

the wall that

shelters me

from the

real

from the

world

.

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

this fuse is

too wet to burn

properly

this heart is too

broken

this mind

too shattered

I can’t do this

I sabotage

myself every time

.

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

watch me

bleed

watch me break

and fall apart

I can’t do this

.

just watch me glow

watch me spark

and fizzle out

.

.

10/25/15

©Patti Keno

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changed

I changed

myself to fit

you

and now I

cannot change

back

I shaped my

hips the

way you liked

them

and hid my

fangs so

I would

not bite

you

when we

kissed

I hid the

longing

deep, deep inside

afraid

that you

would

see my

heart and

run away

from

it

.

I changed

my tastes

so I wouldn’t

disgust

you

I changed

my name

so I wouldn’t

offend you

I changed

my face

and hair

to look

more like

her

in hopes

that

you could

love me

more

.

I changed

my clothes

so that

they would

reflect your

image

from every

angle

every side

every view

I hid my

likes so

you

wouldn’t

hate me

for my

opinion

I hid my

soul

so you

couldn’t

hurt me

for who I

was

.

I tried

to say

I loved

you

When I

hated all

you

made

me do

I changed

myself

to fit you

how can

I fit

anyone

else

.

I changed

the way

I looked

at you

so you

wouldn’t

see me

crying

I changed

the way

I touched

you so

I wouldn’t

hurt you

I changed

myself to

fit you

in everyway

I changed

.

I changed

my skin

so it would

accept your

touch

I changed

my knees

so they would

buckle

when you

pressed

against

my shoulder

.

I changed

the way

I looked

at life

so I could

live my

life for

you

I changed

my soul

to let you

in

I changed

my heart

to love you

.

I changed

myself

to fit

you

and you

left because

I wasn’t

me

I was

you

I changed

myself to

fit you

and now

I’m a

perfect

match

.

.

                                                                1/22/99

                                                                  ©Patti Keno

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