On turning 28

by pattikeno on January 5, 2015

taking breaths to stop the way you hurt me
to stop the way you make me cry
I dive in with reckless abandon
this isn’t right…this isn’t right
leave me floating in this sea
wasting away, just wasting away
and everything is beautiful
everything is new
but nothing penetrates me
as i stare zombie-like
into the horizon
longing for something new
something other than this
other than this fake life
it’s not real
none of this is real
broken lips
and burning eyes
and this pain that is gutting me
rending me in two
nothing is beautiful
and nothing is new
should i force your hand
and make you stay
or watch in silence
as you walk away
watch in silence
broken and strewn
tossed apart from me
28 years and you’re gone
28 years and look at me
still the same
still that little girl
led forth by crows
striving to stay alive
when I’m cast upon these coals
weathered and broken
but somehow still the same
looking backwards always
longing for something from then
anything that stayed the same
but nothing ever stays the same
everything changes
nothing ever stays
break my heart
this girl inside a woman
there’s nothing left in me that’s pure
nothing left in me but pain
and silence and longing again.
how did i last this long
how can i last any longer
how can i stay
when nothing EVER changes
and nothing EVER stays the same