vunerability | Invisible No More

find

by pattikeno

I never thought

You’d find

lying here

resting

holding my head

against

the rain

against the

coming storm

shivering

violently

lost &

alone

I never thought

I’d find you

there

holding out

your arms

to take me

in and

hold me

like a doll

I never thought

I’d find

a peace

inside

a peace so

overwhelming

I never thought

I would

find

a kindred soul

in you

4/4/00

©Patti Keno

2000 Poetry the imaginary boy

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My self-made prison cell

by pattikeno

this ache inside

for something new

it never fades

it never ebbs

it always stays

deep inside of my

heart

love

such a useless emotion

it only leads to pain

I’ve been burnt before

and nothing will

ever burn me again

I push them away

SCARE them away

before they get too close

I can’t let them in

I can’t let them near

I don’t want them

hurting like I did

I feign the search for

the ebon eyes that haunt

me in my dreams

but the loss of

self keeps me from reaching out

I’m too afraid of losing

the self I worked so hard to build

the self I worked so hard to reclaim

I can’t let them in

Even if it means that I can never get out

I never want to lose myself in someone else again

so I go

forever feigning interest

pain and jealousy

filling my very being

maybe it’s envy

not jealousy that I feel

a secret wish to be normal

to be more like them

in their perfect bliss

a hand and a sigh

lips meeting

touching

kissing

a hand and a sigh

they continue

and never notice my tears

too lost in their own desires

to ever notice me fading

slipping away

into another world

my imaginary world

where all my dreams come true

and there is always someone there

to hold me

always someone there

to love me

in a love beyond love

in a love beyond sex

in a love beyond this world

a love that only I can give myself

once again his ebon eyes

behold me and I cringe

in their wake

he knows that I am a coward

he knows that I’ve been weak

he smiles

and once again whispers out

his catch phrase:

“It’s not your time”

and he takes me in his arms once more

if I can’t be with him now

then I can at least enjoy him in my dreams

because the loss of

self keeps me from reaching out

I’m too afraid of losing

the self I worked so hard to build

the self I worked so hard to reclaim

I can’t let them in

even if it means That I can never get out

I can never get out

I will always be

on the inside looking

out

4/24/01

©Patti Keno

2001 the nocturnal boy

2 Comments »

my heart broke again today
wanting and waiting and wasting away
Another moment lost
another tear to fall
he could have changed my life
he could have rocked my world
waiting and wanting and wasting away
lost once more on the sea
of yesterdays past
of people lost
moments gone
disappeared
they glare in front of me
making me ache
making my heart break
over and over again
i just want to hide
i just want to hide away
and lose myself
i just want to be lost
lost again
i don’t want to see
i don’t want to see
what i know I can NEVER have
what i know i can NEVER be
i don’t want to see
waiting and wanting and wasting away
i lost another one today
i lost another one today
whimper want or whisper stay
i lost another one today

03/29/04
.

©Patti Keno

“whimper want or whisper stay” is a line by Shane Murphy

2004 Poetry the disappearing boy the imaginary boy

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the smile

by pattikeno

It started with

a smile

a quick hello

an innocence

shared

an electricity

crackling

in their

eyes

It started with

a smile

a simple caress

an innocent

kiss

a tender

word

full of

meaning

it started

with a smile

and lived

and entire lifetime

in the span

of a minute

as her imagination

built an entire

lifetime

of love

based on that

one smile

3/17/00

©Patti Keno

to “the Man I always drop things in front of”

2000 2000 Poetry

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A Murder of One by Patti Keno (me)

by pattikeno

So it happened faster than i thought it would. My book is now available in paperback and kindle at Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Murder-One-Patti-Keno/dp/0692388338/ref=la_B00UB8EJJ4_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1425660411&sr=1-1

2015 book New writing

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Psst…..

by pattikeno

Psst! The countdown has begun….
Are you ready?
The tentative release date is my birthday.
What? You don’t know my birthday.
What about the Ides of March?
Still don’t know?
OK fine… it’s March 15th.

'Psst! The countdown has begun....<br />
Are you ready?<br />
The tentative release date is my birthday.<br />
What? You don't know my birthday.<br />
What about the Ides of March?<br />
Still don't know?<br />
OK fine... it's March 15th.'

2015 book the silent boy writing

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walk away

by pattikeno

Leave me alone
let me be
let me shift back into
invisibility
don’t eyeball me
with your closed eyes
and your stained heart
leave me be
I’m not here to please you
if you don’t like me then walk away
i never asked for your friendship
and I don’t want it anyway
not if you constantly
look at me
and roll your eyes
and tsk your tongue
you’re not any better than me
you never were
and you never will be
just leave me alone
don’t come round here no more
just let me be
I’d rather be alone
then looked at as if i am crazy
i’m not
i’m just me
and if you don’t like that
then just turn around
and walk away
you’re not welcome here
anyway
.

.
9/24/01

©Patti Keno

2001 Poetry

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Will you be my valentine?

by pattikeno

if I lay down my head

and close my eyes

maybe I won’t have to do this

maybe I won’t have to go through with it

it’s so funny

so ridiculously funny

that I cry and cry because I don’t have love

but then when the opportunity presents itself

I want to run away from it

and all I want to do right now

is cry

and cry

I’m so nervous

I’m so scared

I’m so giddy

what’s gonna happen?

who knows?

what if he never shows?

what if I don’t?

I can’t breathe anymore

my throat is closing up

it’s ok

relax

you’ve made it this far

don’t turn back

this may be it

you’ll never know until you try

02/14/02

©Patti Keno

To: the cinnamon boy

2002 Poetry the cinnamon boy

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Stay Tuned…..

by pattikeno

So for the past couple months i have been working on getting my novel ready to self-publish. I’m excited to tell you that though not quite ready yet, it will be sometime soon. Hopefully before the end of February. YAY!!!! It’s called A Murder of One. I wrote it 20 years ago and have been perfecting it ***cough***procrastinating***cough*** ever since. SO yeah. I’ll keep you updated. I’m so excited!!! 🙂